I was originally afraid to write about anything too deep or sad on this blog, because I'm not someone who wants sympathy. I don't want the universe to take a minute and play the world’s smallest violin for me in my honor. However, I've realized that if I'm not more open and I limit myself in my writing, then I'm not fulfilling my goal for this blog. I want to write about my experiences and I how I grew from them. I want to write about valuable life moments that I think could potentially help someone else. So, after this seven month break, I owe whoever is reading this some kind of all is okay in the world karaboutothers post.
At the beginning of 2019 I felt ready to become a new and improved version of myself. I was ready to try new things and not limit myself because of what someone else might think or feel. I wanted to live my life for myself. My friend Amaury has a podcast called Within and he let me be a part of an episode back in February. The episode I was on was called "Finding Your Path". I talked about my life decisions after graduating high school and how for a while, I really had no idea who I was or what I wanted in life. I still sometimes become very frustrated with myself for not knowing exactly who I am, but nobody knows who they are or has it all figured out. There's comfort in knowing that we don't have to take on life completely alone. Someone else is experiencing your same feelings. I've also become so much better at defending myself. I've realized that you have to defend yourself, because not many people are going to jump in and do that for you. Just like a corny sign near a community building in my town said this week: "it's better to be the hammer then the nail." And I'm kind of tired of being the nail. I have always struggled with confrontation and defending myself. How I changed that was by thinking about how communicating my feelings would not only made me feel better (communicating), but it how it will help the person you're having a conflict with (nobody is a mind reader). It helps that other person understand that their actions affected you in a negative way. Nothing will change if you keep your thoughts to yourself and it only makes you feel worse overtime (and it potentially leaves the other person in the situation hurt and confused.) My best advice overall is that communication is the key to any relationship in life. Don't subtweet or talk ill of anyone, just communicate. I've realized through time that you should aim to achieve grace rather than perfection and how powerful the term "perfect" alone is. Perfect leaves zero room for error, but that also means it leaves zero room for growth. If you never fail, you can't succeed. Also, as a wise teen pop sensation Hannah Montana once said, "Nobody's Perfect" and that's what's up. The perfect anything does not exist so there's no need to worry about something that isn't truly attainable. If you are aiming to become the best version of yourself and understand that you're bound to make mistakes, then life will become so much easier. Progression and self-improvement comes in waves. Be patient with the process. It's okay to not feel okay all the time. It's okay to have a yelling fit in your car. It's okay to feel what you need to feel (it only means you're a human being). What matters most is what you're going to do after your yelling fit. What are you going to do? What do you want to change and how are you going to change it? There is so much more I could write, but I'm saving some of those ideas for a separate post. However, I did want to say that my heart is so full knowing that people check out my website each week. I've seen my numbers go up a lot since I was on Amaury's podcast (again go listen to Within it's truly a 10/10). It makes me feel so happy to know that someone out there is enjoying what I write. Thank you for reading this and I know it's not perfect, but that's why I love it. -Kariann . Saying "New Year New Me" is not exactly what I'm aiming for. Sure I have a list of things in mind I could improve on, but overall 2018 was one of the best years of my life. I went from knowing nothing about my future career options to knowing pretty well where I'm going to end up. I surrounded myself by positive and creative people who helped spark my inspiration. However, there is one goal I would like to set for myself. I want to live my life a little more care free, especially on social media. I also hope to help others become a little more open and trusting with the space around them.
Genuine human connection can be so hard to find. A lot of us are so disconnected from the rest of the world and have trouble realizing what's reality and what isn't. For example, I can count all of my close friends on one hand. I'm very lucky and blessed to say that those people are my support system and the people I value most in my life. I can't say that all of my 737 Instagram followers are my closest friends. Awhile ago, I stopped responding my Snapchat streaks as a little experiment (unless I felt there was a genuine conversation going instead of just sending the word "streaks"). Let me say this, having a number next to someones name doesn't really prove anything. It doesn't fulfill me like it does for others. I would get some snapchats saying "respond streaks" or "snap back" and I started to realize that streaks are a way of self validation. It makes us feel good. Some of my closest friends and I right now don't have a streak going. Thats because we don't talk everyday. However, we don't have to talk every single day to prove that we care about each other, we just know. I can't say that I don't have a platform that makes me feel validated. That platform would be Instagram. I love getting likes on my Instagram posts and I love seeing comments from friends and people I haven't talked to in awhile. I love seeing the number in likes go up and don't lie, I know I'm not the only one who has ever downloaded an app like Followers+ to see who has unfollowed me and then deleted the app shortly after (only to re download it a month or so later). I have personally seen my own friends sit with me and struggle over Instagram captions and I've done it too. You don't want to sound too relaxed and you can't put a photo with a quote on it AGAIN right? Why do we care so much? There have been times where I have thought about what would look good on my page or what wouldn't look good on my page. Maybe the photo wouldn't look good on my page or fit on my timeline well. 2018 also taught me that nobody really cares that much. While you may think someone is judging you, I know that they are more focused on how they look and what they're doing. Also if someone is gonna casually sit through your feed and mock you or judge you, they need to re evaluate how they're spending their free time. Keep using your social media, it can be a beautiful thing. Just don't overthink (I'll keep that one in mind the next time I try to delete a cover that had only been posted for 20 minutes hahaha) You are one of a kind. Never forget that. -Kariann I would be lying if I said I have it all figured out. I don't. I am very hard on myself and have traits about myself that can be both motivating as well as damaging. An example of this would be how I strive to be perfect in the things I do. If something falls short of that perfection, I struggle to accept that what I had done was my best effort in that moment. I have been through some rough times that I have somewhat managed to overcome, which also pertains to everyone else on this earth.
Recently, I have been having a tough time and I'm going through things that I continually have been struggling to understand. I don't really want to touch base on what that is, but maybe someday I'll feel more comfortable discussing it. So for now you get this: I decided to take my own advice for once and I wrote down some things I should be keeping in mind everyday. I wrote out some things that I need to remember and some I know to be true for myself. I wanted to write this post to challenge you all to do the same. I want to challenge you to write down the beautiful things about yourself or things that you want to see in yourself that others continually see in you. I know during the holiday season it is highly encouraged to give to others (which is a beautiful and amazing thing), but remember to give words of affirmation to yourself as well. I know this wasn't a typical post of mine with an "all is good in the world" kind of feel, but here is the closest thing to that: Remember that you have a say in your life and that you and your own voice matters more than you'll ever be able to comprehend. Life isn't meant to be taken on alone, so if you need to talk to someone then talk to them. Lastly, remember that you are your own worst critic and that no matter what is going on in your life right now was supposed to happen to possibly teach you something, inspire you, or maybe have you appreciate the good days over the bad days. Someone loves you and I hope you love yourself too, because you're pretty great. -Kariann For the past few years I've been interested in star signs and what they supposedly mean. Personally, I'm an Aries... yeah mine doesn't really match my personality much at all. The thought that because you were born on this day and this month that everyone with that same star sign must be x,y, and z isn't very realistic... but it's still interesting to look at.
In high school, most people have to take the Myers-Briggs. Basically it is a personality examination that gives an analysis of your personality traits. It shows how people perceive the world around them and how they make decisions. I ended up with INFJ, which makes up about 1-2% of the worlds population... so knowing this I feel pretty cool... not gonna lie. I began reading more into my results and I realized a lot of good and bad qualities about myself, whether I choose to accept them or not. My results told me what INFJ was, meaning Introverted, Intuition, Feeling, and Judging. The website told me that my personality type is creative, insightful, decisive (HA), altruistic, and many more. Of course not everyone can be perfect, but one of my negative traits was my perfectionist traits. I read more into why I burn out so easily. I've realized that I have a habit of thinking that everything always has to have a deeper meaning (when in reality, not every little thing is a metaphor). I'm really sensitive. I've also learned that any job in the Psychology field or as a counselor is typically what my personality type gravitates towards, because I need to feel that there's a sense of meaning behind my work. As lame as it sounds, this test really sparked my interest and I watched a lot of videos on the topic and read many articles about it. I don't feel this exam completely matches my personality, but it does come pretty close. It also helped me realize there are some things I need to keep working on personally. Especially taking things too personally and thinking everything has to have meaning (but lets be real that ones not fading at any point soon). So whether you're chasing after the stars (signs) or clicking on your Myers-Briggs results, just know that there are good and bad qualities in yourself and that you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now at this very moment. The stars aligned and placed you where you were supposed to be. Don't change that. No matter what anyone or anything says about you, just understand your worth. Also if you're interested in this personality test, you can take it at: 16personalities.com Maybe you'll discover something new about yourself or maybe you won't... but it never hurts to look into! -Kariann I'm at a point in my life where I can say I'm happy. It wasn't always that way for me. Especially in High School. I was the shy quiet girl who would do absolutely anything to blend into the paint on the walls.
But I've learned that life isn't supposed to be happy 24/7. That didn't quite register to me until about a year ago honestly. I felt like I was living my life wrong. That I couldn't obtain what I thought "happiness" was supposed to be. Happiness isn't always about being happy in that moment, but understanding that happiness will come back around. When you have happiness, hold onto it and try not to overthink about your fear of losing it. Live in the moment. If you're unhappy, it's a warning sign that maybe something in your life isn't okay. Typically, you are able to change some of those things. It is very easy to get wrapped up in negativity. Whether it's toxic people in your life or you feel things aren't going great for you right now. Take the time to write down what you're grateful for. Write down what you value. Write down the best and worst parts of your day. After you write down the worst parts of your day, write about how that can be changed or improved for the future. Acknowledging you're not okay is okay. It makes you a person. The question is, how are you going to handle it? How can you make the best of what you have right now? Remember the things you do have. Remember your goals and dreams, they will carry you along the way. Just remember that everyone is going through something. You're not alone and that you're still writing your story, make the next chapters great. Take it day by day. Make the best of things. -Kariann This summer, I worked as a camp counselor working with kids that have ADD, ADHD and ODD. I barely had any outside experience, but I still wanted to give it a try. I wanted to truly find out if this was something I potentially wanted to do in my future (career wise).
The first week was scary for me. I FAILED the exam we had to take our first week of training. I instantly felt like a failure and that I didn't belong. I felt I would never be able to become a children's mental health therapist, because I couldn't even pass an exam about kids with ADD, ADHD and ODD or the system we had to use. Luckily, I had amazing coworkers who gave me so much encouragement and helped me out along the way. One day I came in just carrying a lot of stress with me to work. I was trying to finish two online math courses on top of working this new job. I was at work from 7:45 until 5:45 and then from 6 until midnight I would go to my computer and get as much math work done as possible. That day at work, I was being corrected over a few things that I knew I could've done better with. In that moment, my coworker asked me if I was okay and I said that I was fine. He responds "No you're not." I go on to tell him how I was just so stressed and I wasn't sleeping much. I told him that I felt too stupid for the program and I don't know why they hired me. My coworkers reassured me that I was doing okay and that things will get easier as the next week goes on. After each week, I slowly started to feel much more confident about my position. Two weeks later, that same coworker asked me "Hey Kar, do you still feel too stupid for this job?" I responded: "Sometimes... but I am starting to feel better." He then stopped me and said "Well don't. You did an amazing job running game and skill drill today. You've been doing a great job with these kids. You belong at this job." You are your own worst critic and you can do anything you set your mind to... if you truly want it. Over this past year, I've realized that you are able to achieve what you want to achieve with passion and effort. Making excuses gets you nowhere and it just wastes so much time. For example, I took a five week math course this summer that was all online. I wanted to pass five math courses in five weeks. Was I really tired and stressed? Yes. Was I insane? Probably... but I had a huge amount of determination behind my goal. I passed all five math classes in five weeks on top of working a brand new job. If you want something, go get it and don't let anything hold you back... especially the fear of failing before you even attempt something -Kariann I thought I had it all figured out when I graduated from high school, but I didn't. My whole life flipped around during my summer going into my freshman year of college. I threw myself into Early Childhood Education because I liked working with kids. I knew that's not what I wanted, but I figured I could get something out of it. I took my first Early Ed course and didn't really like it. It just wasn't the environment for me. I couldn't just sit back and not know what I was doing or where I was going. It was something that had bothered me for months. I decided that things needed to change, but nobody was going to do that for me. I had to take the initiative.
I decided to go see a career service counselor at my college. What was supposed to be a thirty minute meeting... turned into a 2 1/2 hour meeting. This career service counselor could read me like a book. In this meeting I realized that I wanted. That next day I changed my major to Psychology and applied for a summer internship. I was working three jobs and had to give up one to make time for myself as well as time for this internship. I had amazing friends who encouraged me to get back into dance and maybe try out a dance competition. It was months of debating and months of uncertainty, but I did it. I went to my first feis and placed first in both of my dance routines. Today I received the news that I got the internship. Here's the thing. If you don't like how things are going just change them! If you want to figure out what to do with your future then do it. Go job shadowing and acknowledge the gifts and talents you already have. If you hate your job look into a new one. If you have toxic people in your life then slowly cut them out. These things may take time, but if there are things you are able to change then change them. You can do whatever you want to do in life. Don't let others hold you back and don't hold yourself back. I'm the type of person who overthinks everything and once I stopped overthinking about what other people might think, life became so much easier. If you don't know what you want to do and you don't know where to go from whatever point you're at, you're not alone. You never know where life will take you or what could happen tomorrow. Help yourself out. Live your life for you and do whatever you want with your life, because it's yours. Go out and do amazing things. -Kariann I understand the feeling. The feeling where everyone else has it figured out and you don't. They seem to be put together all the time. They're always so happy. Well honestly, they have bad days too. "It is not the absence of problems, but ability to deal with them." -Steve Maraboli. Maybe you had the worst day and everyone around you had a great one. It can be so challenging to pretend that everything is great. You want to be happy for the people around you, but you're stuck... I think we’ve all been there.
What I've learned is you can take any good moment from every day. Change how your day is going. There are many ways you can do this. When I was going through a rough patch, I would do small things that would make me feel better. I would go and buy my favorite candy or go to Starbucks. Maybe I would go to dinner at my favorite spot to eat. Maybe go out and get your nails done or go online shopping. You could watch your favorite show or go outside. Even scroll through twitter for the laughs. Whatever it is for you... you can turn your day around a little bit. Something that can be helpful is writing three things down that you loved about that day. They can be so simple. Already this morning I can tell you I loved getting coffee at Starbucks this morning, seeing an old Facebook post of one of my best friends and I, and going to lunch in a couple of hours with a couple of friends. Write a couple of things you noticed you did that you might want to improve on. There is always room for improvement. Something I want you to keep in mind is that everything happens for a reason. Life is about the good times and the bad times. We cannot appreciate the great times without going through some rough patches. The best thing I did was find a creative outlet. I started writing music and writing what I was feeling to hopefully relate to other people. Just remember you are so important, so beautiful and so loved. Make today a great day -Kariann As Guy Finley once said, "Nothing in the universe can stop you from letting go and starting over." It's easier said then done most of the time.. but I want you to think about something. Who is really stopping you from achieving what you want in life? Yourself. Sometimes things take awhile to get over. Maybe it was a rough situation you were in or people that didn't bring out the best in you. Situations cannot and will not define who you are as a person. That's partially why I decided to create this blog. To help others see that life really isn't as complicated as it seems... and if you truly work on bettering yourself, you will see the positive change within yourself.
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